My Doctorate Theorizing Tupac was himself a SA Survivor, Simone Emmons, Copyright, 2023, Not to be used without the express and written consent of the author
Was Tupac a Survivor of Sexual Assault/Molestation?
My doctorate theorizes, yes.
My lifelong love, obsession, true ‘fan-atic’ appreciation for Tupac’s music and message has led me to think deeply over his songs, his life and his circumstances.
His lyrics have resonated deeply within me and I am often still listening to his albums on repeat decades later. Tupac’s music and interviews have touched me deeply on a spiritual level as well as a superficial, booty bouncing level and have often been the motivation in my life to ‘keep ya head up’.
This connection and realness with his music has been felt by millions of other fans over the years across all types of human experiences.
(Please check out this interesting to say the least article by NPR about a 66-year-old attorney who held “Tupac Fridays.”
https://www.npr.org/2019/07/17/742815262/fired-over-too-much-tupac-a-rap-loving-bureaucrat-from-iowa-says-he-hopes-not ).
Being myself a Survivor of childhood molestation, sexual assault/rape and Military Sexual Trauma myself, I tend to pay attention to when innuendos and direct messages of sexual assault are talked about or referenced.
Sexual assault (rape) has immense consequences and can hold lifelong impacts to the Survivor. Not only can it effect the Survivor physically it can affect their whole outlook and life view.
Due to my sexual trauma I also, as many Survivors, share a disregard for our bodies and disconnect sex from emotions for protection. Being used and having your body disrespected can lead to these feelings continuing to turn into a self-belief after the attack. Survivors can also manifest their traumas into holding an unsafe view of the world. The world can be seen as insensitive and ‘out to get us’. Survivors also can often turn to prostitution out of survival or due to their abuser being a pimp. Survivors can also turn into abusers themselves without proper healing, counseling and medical attention. (The 1995 court case and rape charge against Tupac needs to be brought up. I believe all Survivors and will not make this about minimizing Tupac as an abuser. This charge only solidifies my theory that Pac was himself, not only a Survivor and an abuser. Without proper medical care Survivors can become themselves, an abuser. My educated guess is Pac did not have access to medical care or therapy either as a child in a poor community or as a prisoner.)
Sexual trauma as a child left an underlying unmeasurably low self-worth of self for me growing up.
Being used for my body left me feeling it was worthless and I was used and broken inside. I had also grown up with ideals put in my head that a girl is ‘dirty’, impure’, ‘used’ and thus worthless and broken with no way to go back when they have had intercourse before marriage.
Being molested as a child, this common unhealthy religious ideal can be detrimental to Survivors of molestation and SA.
I felt I was ‘impure’ and ‘dirty’ before I reached teen hood up having heavy religious teachings in my head.
(The church I was accustomed to as a child was not healthy in the aspect of explaining sexual assault, rape, sexual health and healthy dating relationships or women’s/reproduction health. This confusion and out right shame regarding natural bodily functions left me wanting nothing but to be free from tyranny and words written on paper, but closer to love and not shaming what is natural and beautiful. As an adult I was able to hold a healthy view of sex, being a victim and life, but the shame as a child ran deep.)
Growing up with the idea that I was touched and treated with the utmost evil disregard for my soul, emotions and being belittled to the point you are just usable for your body and that the pain your body feels is of no regard to you as long as you are pleasing others is a heavy load to carry.
It leaves scars on every aspect of yourself. Mind, body, soul and how you move daily. Your interactions with others, your world view, your protection, safety and security.
Rape leaves a jaded optical illusion on life you walk around with carrying over your eyes. It can leave a chip on your shoulder. As a teen I greatly identified with Tupac’s words ‘Me Against the World’. His words and album gave me a chance of hope that I wasn’t alone in hating this unjust world.
I was able to get into therapy and deep shadow work, I then learned how to lay that trauma down and off my shoulders. Through years of recovery work and therapy, I feel greatly blessed to be able to have worked enough on my healing to be at a point in my life where I can enter the world with an open heart most days and feel that it’s just not me and Pac ‘Against the world’ anymore.
Now that I speak out about my trauma cycles, God has allowed me to see some things full circle.
My theory from having myself been through intense sexual trauma, and Pac’s intensity and lyrics I will reference later leads me to strongly believe that Tupac was assaulted at some point in his young life. There are even allegations that he may have been assaulted in prison. I feel that either or both could have happened.
Of course, we will never know the truth, but I feel that even if Pac was alive today, he might not feel free enough to disclose this information to anyone. My reasoning is that he was a male. Males in this society are shamed speaking up and into thinking rape has something to do with their masculinity. Instead of placing the light on the abuser, Survivors are placed under the bright lights and asked questions on what they wore, were they drinking or some other frivolous claims that are not related to the facts that a person should never ever under any circumstance touch, let alone violate another person.
A few other factors support my theory besides just his lyrics and the deeper meaning behind ‘Thug Life’, which was always heavily laced.
If you do not know, ‘THUG LIFE’ stand for “The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everyone”.
This supports my belief that SA is a life altering and can be devastating to not only the Survivor but to society as a whole.
Did Tupac feel scared to say SA and transformed it into ‘hate’? What caused Pac to feel so deeply about infants and children? Possibly a strong love for our future and wanting change in the world, but possibly it was deeper and more personal. Maybe he knew of a child who personally was assaulted or knew of many from where he grew up. In poor communities’ crime and violence rates are higher. SA and molestation are hard crimes to track as well, thus my theory is the numbers for these crimes are very underreported. Or was Pac himself a victim of SA/molestation and shamed from speaking up? Was he doing all he could by shedding light on this hate towards children in the best way he could? A somewhat ‘socially acceptable’ use of words and motto=’Thug Life’ to speak the truth that is socially un-acceptable to speak on directly?
I’d like to add the unfortunate fact that the black community is systematically kept from access to health care and thus generations have gone through trauma without means to find help and healing. I want to state that due to the unjust ‘justice’ system we have today, it systematically puts black people more as offenders for every crime. Thus, there is no factual way to show the correct stats on the numbers of black SA as Survivors or offenders. I believe that SA is shunned and held taboo in many cultures and across the board as humans, but I hold thoughts that the black community has a larger problem with SA than is reported. The more we speak on the truth and hold abusers accountable, and find healing, support and therapy for Survivors, we can thus end SA in every community.
I quote Kendrick Lamar to support my theory that SA is a larger problem in the black community, thus also supporting my theory that Pac was a Survivor himself out of a numbers and statistical standpoint.
Kendrick directly refers to SA in the song ‘Mother I Sober’. Listen to the whole song, as I could quote the whole song fully, but here are the lyrics that most stood out to me:
“The conversation not being addressed in Black families, the devastation, haunting generations and humanity. They raped our mothers, then they raped our sisters, then they made us watch, then made us rape each other. Psychotic torture between our lives we ain’t recovered. Still living as victims in the public’s eyes. Who pledge allegiance. Every other brother has been compromised. I know the secrets, ever other rapper sexually abused. I see ‘em daily burying they pain in chains and tattoos.
His anger grows deep in misogyny. This Post-Traumatic Black families and a sodomy, today is still active.”
Kendrick himself is saying the stats on SA in black communities is ‘every other’. Kendrick also refences the PTSD in the black community that goes unnoticed from SA. I also feel the black community suffers from PTSD from violence, that is unspoken about. PTSD from combat is highly spoken about (possibly to maintain nationalism and thus to idealize dying for the sake of maintaining our economy that profits the elite and keeps the masses in poverty and ignorance? Ok. Let’s not go there today and in this article. But trust I will expand on this later! Not sorry to offend, but God has called me to speak the truth. Take up your offenses with God please). Yet the population that has seen combat is very small compared to the populations that have encountered SA or urban violence. (These populations of SA and urban violence are not tracked accurately due to the fearful nature of reporting the crimes in the first place. Also due to the distrust in police held in poor, minority communities. I would also like to state in white communities reporting crimes in small communities can pose a problem for a Survivor. Survivor’s accusations can be turned against them if their abuser is an ‘influential’ member of the small communities.)
(I know this fact that SA even today in 2023 is shunned and media tries to cover up or use terminology that somehow softens the shock of the word ‘rape’ and ‘sex with children’. In my many interviews speaking about my nonprofit, Service Dog Strong, I have encountered many well-meaning reporters who are themselves supporters, not feel comfortable in having me say the word ‘rape’ or ask what is acceptable to say on air. My feelings run deep on this for I believe that the more we talk and open up about traumas and violent crimes, the more they will diminish. We must not shy away from sensitive subjects, for this leaves the truth in the dark. Softening words and facts I feel can protect the abuser. I understand that Survivors are all on different healing levels and somebody’s story can trigger them, yet if we never speak the truth, it will remain taboo and a sensitive subject and abusers will remain in the shadows. I spoke out about my story to release myself from the shame and to break the silence.)
My theory states Pac’s upbringing, high stats over SA in the black community, his SA charge (trauma cycles of Survivor turned perpetrator due to lack of healthcare and shame over male ((or any)) Survivors speaking up), his continual expressing deep internal pain, jaded view on the world and his multiple songs and references to SA and injustice are all my supporting factors to support my case that Pac was in fact, himself a Survivor of SA.
